This morning on my Twitter feed I saw an ad for a t-shirt. Huge letters spelled out, “OK, Boomer” in several banner headlines, collar to hem. If you’re not familiar with the term, congratulations for staying out of the worst of the Generation War.
To catch you up: Boomers have often accused Millennials (and now GenZ) of being entitled, lazy, under-motivated, and over-offended.
“OK, Boomer” is a sarcastic, dismissive phrase coined in response by young adults, who feel that Boomers are overly critical of Millennials struggling to handle societal problems. They retort that these problems were in fact handed down to them by—you guessed it—Boomers.
And so we get a plethora of memes about frappacino-addicted Millennials and articles on well-off Boomers ruining the economy. It’s been so intense that apparently, the Gen Xers are feeling ignored. (Trust me, I think you guys are okay sitting this one out.)
The thing is, long before generations were hurling insults at each other on social media, there was a raging Generation War in churches, especially mainline Protestant ones.
Ever since congregations started declining, religious Boomers have been blaming secular Millennials for killing their churches. In return, many Millennials have accused Boomers of being irrelevant, old-fashioned, and prejudiced.
But how did we get so divided in the first place? What are the stereotypes we pin on others? How did those stereotypes mangle the multigenerational relationships that have existed in churches for millennia?
And, given the Generation War in churches, should we even try to have multigenerational churches? Or is it time to create separate religious spaces for the different generations?
There’s a lot of discussion on this site about how Gen X and Boomer pastors can reform their churches to meet the spiritual needs of Millennials and Gen Z. Much of that discussion involves some pretty fundamental shifts out of an old way of meeting spiritual needs.
At times, I’ve probably been guilty of some judgmental posting myself. I wish I wasn’t.
So I think it’s time to address the Generation War in churches and how everyone, including this Millennial, can be part of the solution.
OK, Boomer: Here’s what you need to know about Millennials
So your pews are emptying. Maybe you’ve been in this congregation your whole life. Perhaps you were married here. Or you’ve been steadfastly leading this church and others like it for decades.
Now, it’s a shadow of its former glory. Sanctuaries that were built for 600 weekly congregants aren’t even full on Easter. You don’t have the money to make needed repairs. You’ve had to end important programs.
Do any of these sound familiar? If so, it’s probably due to a lack of young people in your church. Fewer and fewer young families and 20-somethings are attending and tithing. It might be pretty frustrating and sad.
Response 1: Millennials Suck
Responses from Boomers often take one of two forms. The first is a response most aptly titled, “Millennials Suck.” I’ve heard our generation decried as un-spiritual or even godless. We’ve been accused of hedonism, a lack of discipline, and disinterest in serving others.
Studies actually show quite the opposite. Millennials are service-oriented, more so than recent past generations. We still believe in God and other higher powers. And we’re very spiritual.
We’re just not, on average, very religious.
Here’s why: the Church isn’t doing a good job of meeting our spiritual needs. We’re trying to deal with modern technology, an impossible housing market, youth with skyrocketing rates of mental illness, an increasingly polarized country, and so much more.
We need churches to help us navigate those issues as people of faith. We need you to show us where God is in those moments. But for the most part, churches aren’t equipping us to handle these challenges, practically or spiritually.
And, if we do show up, Boomers often take the opportunity to tell us what we’re doing wrong.
You want to know the fastest way to make a Millennial leave your church? Criticize them for having taken so long to show up or for not giving enough to the congregation. Or just criticize our generation more generally.
Works like a charm.
So we’re not coming. And instead, we’re getting our spiritual needs met elsewhere, in places that do help us navigate this new environment. We’re turning to secular clubs or parenting groups. Or sometimes we cobble together a number of traditions to create our own unique brand of spirituality.
If you’re a Boomer, it’s easy to understand why you’re upset. The church that you love is emptying. And it’s because Millennials aren’t coming.
But this is key: it’s not our responsibility to go to church simply for the sake of perpetuating the institution. No matter how much you love it. It’s the Church’s mission to meet the spiritual needs of the society around it.
So if you want to do your part to end the Generation War in churches, drop the stereotypes and think about how you can better serve our unique spiritual needs.
Response 2: Millennials are Unicorns
Here’s the second response: idolizing Millennials. Maybe you don’t hate us. You’re not frustrated.
You just want us in your pews.
This approach is definitely an improvement on the first strategy. But it still won’t work for you. Here’s why: this approach tends to treat Millennials like unicorns: very mysterious, hard-to-catch, and the ultimate prize.
A few semesters ago, I had to visit churches in the neighborhood for a college class. Some friends and I visited a few churches over the course of several Sundays.
Here’s how it went: we walked in. And just like that, we were celebrities.
Everyone wanted to know who we were and where we were from and, of course, how we heard about their congregation. Was it the band that is now playing once a month? Did their new advertising campaign finally work?
Most of all, they really wanted to know—were coming back next Sunday?
As well-intentioned as this response was, it scared everyone off returning a second time. It was super awkward to be in such a spotlight. It came across as really desperate.
But most of all, the church still wasn’t focused on meeting our spiritual needs. The focus still remained on how we could be pulled in so that the church could survive. And that approach can still contribute to the Generation War in churches.
If you want to treat Millennials as valuable, that’s wonderful. But don’t put us on the spot or make us feel responsible for reviving your declining church.
Instead, do your homework. As elusive as we might seem, we’re not unicorns.
If you genuinely want to know how to meet our spiritual needs (and thus draw us in), you don’t need to grope around in the dark. There are real data points that can help you reform your church for this time and cultural moment.
If you want to show us how much you care about us, if you want to get us in your pews, don’t put us on a pedestal. Create a church that meets our spiritual needs.
OK, Millennial: Here’s what you need to know about Boomers
So we’ve addressed some of the most common Boomer responses to Millennials’ secularism. Now we need to take a look at the Millennial contribution. The Generation War in churches goes both ways.
It’s often disconcerting to walk into a church and be scolded or, conversely, treated as a rare celebrity. Both the “Millennials Suck” approach and the “Millennials are Unicorns” approach can understandably turn people off to church.
But here’s what Millennials (myself included) need to understand. When our grandparents grew up, churches provided the very foundation of society.
Ministers and the Bible were easy arbiters of truth. Social lives revolved around church events, not just on Sunday mornings, but throughout the week.
And, perhaps most importantly, people in that era lived in a universally Christian culture.
People could assume everyone around them believed in similar things that they did. Everyone understood Christian lingo and celebrated Christian holidays. They knew that their kids and grandkids would share that religious and cultural identity.
Being Christian and being American were usually synonymous. And it had been like this for as long as anyone could remember.
Christianity certainly still dominates American culture. But it’s not quite the same anymore.
You can’t just assume that your kids and grandkids will believe the same things you do. Not everyone connects over Christian culture and society the same way they used to. Far fewer people are religiously literate.
Maybe you think that this cultural change is a good thing. For the most part, I agree with you. But over time, I’ve learned that it’s important to understand how painful this change is for Boomers (and older).
Even if Christian cultural privilege needs to be lost, it’s still disconcerting and painful for the people losing it.
So, if you want to do your part to end the Generation Wars in churches, try extending a little empathy. The next time an elder in your church comes up to you and lectures you about the secularism of your generation, take a deep breath.
Ask them about what they miss from the church of their youth. And then try gently disabusing them of the stereotypes they have about Millennials.
Should we fix the Generation War in churches?
Is it even worth it? The Generation War in churches is so entrenched. Boomers and Millennials have such different spiritual needs and so many negative stereotypes about each other. Shouldn’t we just create separate services and churches where they can worship?
Absolutely not.
It’s possible for us to all get our spiritual needs met at the same time. Regardless of when we were born, we’re all living in the same society right now. We’re in the same communities. We’re watching the same things happen in our politics, our culture, and our technology.
And that means that we all need help with a lot of the same questions and problems.
And, more importantly, multigenerational churches are invaluable. Young adults are facing mental health challenges and loneliness in record numbers. We need a community of elders that will love us unconditionally.
So too, elders can lose a sense of purpose and energy as they age. Having young people around to help them out and vision new paths forward, can counterbalance that need. Data shows that in multigenerational communities, everyone is healthier and happier when they’re together.
We can gripe about other generations all we want, but the Body of Christ is not as rich when we are divided. The Generation War in churches is profoundly weakening to our unity in Christ.
Christian community is defined by our ability to empathize with each other, to step into each other’s shoes. To carry each other’s burdens.
And, most importantly, Christian community is about seeing Christ at work in each person. No matter how worthy we deem their generation.
So let’s drop the stereotypes, have conversations with each other, and sit down to envision the 21st-Century Church together. Who knows? Maybe, by ending the Generation War in churches, perhaps we can bridge the generation gap in society as a whole.
