Confession in Cancel Culture: Why Millennials and Gen Z Need Confession More Than Ever

It’s no secret that Millennials struggle with mental health issues. 

Mental health sets us apart from other generations. Partly, this is because we are more willing to talk about it. 

But we also experience mental illness at rates well above older generations. In 2017, more adults ages 18-25 experienced depression than all other adults combined.

And, as we turn toward Generation Z, mental health becomes an even bigger issue. 40% of today’s teenagers worry about their generation’s use of substances. 70% are concerned about their generation’s mental health. 

Obviously, I am not a mental health expert. I wasn’t even a Psych major in college. 

But, with 22 years of experience as a Millennial/Gen Zer myself, here’s my best guess. The Internet’s hyper-public “cancel culture” is poisonous. Healthy confession in cancel culture largely doesn’t exist.

Which is why confession in church is more important than ever.

What does confession have to do with the mental health epidemic?

Last year, I wrote an article in Pacific Standard imploring Gen Z to give religion another shot, if only because we need communities that love us. 

There are, of course, many reasons why teens and young adults today largely lack unconditionally loving communities to hold them accountable. But I’d argue the biggest reason, and the one I want to focus on, is social media and instant communication.

Millennials and Gen Z have to be on. All the time. On for our friends. On for our family. On for our employers. 

And if you’re not, there can be big consequences. Hence the popular term, “cancel culture.”

That selfie with the bad lighting might not only be seen by our friends, but also by our crush. That Facebook photo of us at a party might be tracked down years later by professionals, costing us a college admission or a job offer. That Snapchat story, meant for our friends’ eyes only, might be screenshotted and shared with strangers. 

That intimate picture for a partner could be used as revenge porn when the relationship ends. Or it could be hacked. The list goes on.

And all of this is heightened for Gen Z. In the five short years since I’ve been in high school, communication has shifted away from slower-paced posts on Facebook and Twitter to faster, video-based mediums like Snapchat, Instagram stories and Tiktok. 

These apps are meant to record a much higher percentage of daily life. There’s not just pressure to look good enough for an occasional selfie. That pressure extends to all of life. 

If you don’t show up to school looking cute, it’s not just your high school that sees you. Potentially, it’s the entire Internet. Confession in cancel culture is socially, emotionally, and sometimes physically dangerous.

Anything can go viral. Anything can trigger a flood of cyberbullying by people you’ve never met. And, even if you’re not on social media, you’ll probably be appearing on your friends’ feeds, being judged by their audiences. 

It’s exhausting.

And yet, it’s impossible to withdraw. If you want communal connection, especially if you’re under 35, you’ll be hard-pressed to find it away from technology and social media.

Almost all white-collar jobs will require you to communicate with your colleagues on a host of platforms. If you want to get hired in the first place, you’ll often need to put yourself out there through some form of social media. Romantic relationships are now often started, and almost always fanned, over technology. 

And I can personally reassure you that Millennial friendships are very dependent on instant communication.

If you want to access community, you have to be on social media and technology. But the price of being online, even in “private” spaces, is the potential for judgement from anyone and everyone. 

As a result, young people face the pressure to be perfect. For everyone. All the time. 

Because any vulnerability, perceived or real, might be exploited, with unforeseen consequences.

Why do we need confession in cancel culture?

It seems the majority of our community, especially for young people, happens in places where we aren’t loved unconditionally. Parts of ourselves have to be hidden, to protect our physical and emotional safety. 

Today, more than ever, confessing to our communities is a societally unacceptable, even dangerous, thing to do.

Yet everyone needs an outlet—a place where they can be themselves, be loved, and be held to a healthy standard of accountability. And a safe place for confession in cancel culture is more important than ever. Everyone needs a place where they can genuinely strengthen their relationship with the Divine, others, and themselves.

As I mentioned last week, I believe that confession is an important spiritual need in every time and place. But Reformation 4.0 is about reforming institutional Christianity specifically to meet the spiritual needs of the 21st century. And we really need confession in cancel culture.

What specific remedies can confession offer to these unique spiritual times? Three things.

A Human, Relational Space

However confession happens in your church, it probably happens offline. Things are slowed down and happen face-to-face—in a manner that fosters rich, deep relationship. 

There is time to express emotion, and take in the emotion of others. It is far more difficult for something to be taken out of context, misunderstood, or manipulated. In most traditions, there are strict denominational rules mandating the secrecy of private confessions. 

In other words, the in-person nature of confession creates breathing room. Room for the Holy Spirit.

Healthy Accountability

Confession in cancel culture can’t be Polyanna ritual, with the sins rattled off and absolution automatically given.

There need not be—shouldn’t be—shame and guilt. But it’s important that confession involve mourning. We need to take time to mourn the ways we didn’t live up to God’s vision and make amends. 

Jesus is adamant about this in the Gospels. Matthew 5:23 tells us that our worship can’t happen unless we reconcile with each person we’ve hurt. 12 Steps groups, similarly, require participants to acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused and make amends to those they wounded. 

But this safe accountability doesn’t happen much online. There’s no healthy confession in cancel culture. Either you have no accountability at all—or, conversely, you receive overwhelming levels of hate and vitriol.

Your church has a real opportunity to create an alternative. There are a variety of ways to facilitate healthy accountability in your congregation’s practice of confession. Check out my article last week for some practical resources, such as prayer practices or support groups, that clergy can use (scroll down to the bottom). 

Unconditional Love

Hands down, this is the most important. 

Being online, being in community, exposes us to unprecedented judgment. Maybe we’re the ones being judged. If not, we surely hear horrifying stories of cyberbullying, hacking, and cancel culture. These impacts are multiplied the younger we are, as more and more of our community is subsumed by technology. 

I am not in favor of banning technology. Aside from being impossible to eradicate, I believe it can be a very good thing. I believe that God works extensively through technology, and that the Internet opens crucial digital ministry opportunities. 

But technology’s increasingly universal use presents a new set of spiritual needs for the Church to meet. And one of those, more than ever, is the need for people to feel unconditionally loved.

Everyone needs to know that they are loved and accepted, by some community, if not the one on Facebook. They need to know that they belong, and are forgiven. 

People living in cancel culture need to know they belong not just after a minor, embarrassing mistake. 

People living in cancel culture need to know they belong not only when they have it all put together on Sunday mornings. 

They need to know they belong when they confess the worst thing they have ever done. Unlike confession in cancel culture, which can often result in isolation, people need to know that God will cherish them, no matter what. They need a community that will extend radical, unbelievable grace. 

And who better than the Church?